][originally posted 10 August 2009 via Journey Back to Me ][
The other day while I was cleaning up my Blogrolls, I happened on a link to a Youtube video on Lady Kinnks’ Blog titled “Nappy Ass Hair” and clicked on it our of sheer curiosity. What I saw both enraged and saddened me.
Posted there on Youtube, for the world to see, was a recording of a relatively “young” mother performing an act of child abuse under the guise of combing the beautifully full head of hair of what I assume to be her multi-racial daughter. For approximately five minutes and eight seconds, this mother, who’s facial expression was one of fury reserved for a legitimate beef with an adult, uses a plastic bristled paddle brush to savagely rake through the child’s “dry” hair, oblivious to any snags or snarls, in a fashion that makes my own scalp hurt in sympathy. In addition to this atrocity, behind the camera is the child’s aunt OLDER SISTER engaging in a bevy of belly laughs, guffaws if you will, at the child’s expense as the mother pins the child to her leg, the floor and the couch while grabbing handfuls of the child’s hair, uttering such phrases as “Move your fucking hand!” and “I’ll fuck you up!” to the screaming girl who could not be more than six years old… if that. If that isn’t enough, at about FIVE MINUTES and ten seconds of this five minutes forty-six second video, a little boy, who could be seen running back and forth in front of the camera and was alternately taunted by the aunt older sister about his turn coming up, is enlisted to wrangle the child back to her mother after she successfully breaks away. His attempts prove futile after ten seconds, so the mother has no other choice but to get up and pull the child by her arms back to the couch, where she continues her assault. This time with a pick.
NOTE: If you can not tell from the still above, the video is pretty brutal so I will not post it or a link to it here, but if you really want to see it, Google the video title and Youtube and it will be the first result, if it’s still there by the time this is posted.
From what I gather the original video was flagged as inappropriate and yanked from the site, but apparently someone else* got a hold to it and uploaded it again. As you could guess, aside from a few yokels the responses to this video, both in text and via video, were filled with anger and disbelief at the mother, as well as sympathy for this girl. I personally was livid and had to fight to hold back tears for this child I don’t know from Adam’s house cat. The first thing that went through my mind was how could this woman who gave birth to and raised this little girl 1. treat her so brutally, 2. allow other family members to stand by and encourage the abuse while ridiculing the child, and 3. agree to this being documented via video and uploaded to the Internet. The second thing that went through my mind was, thanks to someone else feeling the need to rebroadcast this vicious attack yet not REPORT IT, will this be used as an example to others as to how black mothers handle their child’s “nappy ass hair”? Honestly, what I really thought was, will this serve as an example as to how all black mother’s handle their children, period?
While it is painfully obvious this mother — whose hair looks relatively neat, well cared for and “freshly” permed — needs more than a few parenting lessons, or better yet, to be taken outside and having her “hair treated in the same manner” (read that as a metaphor for having her ass kicked), it is also evident that this woman could stand a lesson on how to properly detangle and brush her daughter’s hair. As far as the detangling lessons, what’s sad is there are tons of tutorials on the very same site the video was posted on, and at least three video pleas for the woman to contact them personally show her how it’s done. Chances are the woman will never see the comments (the video was uploaded in mid July… there’s not one response from her at all) and thereby never get help with taking care of the little girl’s hair or being a better mother.
Even though the immediate physical and verbal abuse is apparent within the video, one can’t help but imagine the perceptions this girl will take of herself into her teen years and womanhood. On top of the overall stigmas attached to ethnic hair that are already prevalent in society, with her mother treating her hair as if it is an abomination and an inconvenience, there is no doubt in my mind that unless there is an intervention to stop this sort of treatment, that beautiful little girl will grow up fostering a deep disdain for herself by virtue of how she views her hair. More than the violent combing of the child’s hair, this is the point that bothers me the most. I took me over 30 years to consciously to accept my hair just based on society’s belief that black hair is “bad” hair. I couldn’t imagine how long it would have taken if I’d suffered any personal “attacks” on that pinpointed my hair specifically. It’s like this baby doesn’t have a chance, and it’s because of her mother’s actions that she’ll fight a personal battle, possibly for the rest of her life. My heart bleeds for her, especially since the baby’s only means of defense is to kick and scream and yell “I hate you!” at assailant; her mother.
If you have a chance to view the video, tell a friend and spread the word. Not just to get the video flagged, which I honestly think should not happen in the event that someone who knows this mother and child and may get them both the help they need. But spread the word so that all of us who embrace ethnic hair, whether relaxed or natural, know that this type of stuff is still going on within our community, placing five more bricks on the wall of ignorance for every one we try to tear down. Spread the word so that the jealousy involved in pitting “good” hair against “bad” hair loses just a bit more strength between us, and hopefully stops being passed from mother to daughter. And, if you watch the video, please come back and tell me what you thought. It would be much appreciated.
NOTE: After reading this blog post on TheRoot.com I have been made aware that the “mother” and child are from my home city, which hurts my heart to no end and makes me really take this personal. Fortunately, the authorities were alerted (this gives me hope that Detroit isn’t fully dead). For more information, surf on over HERE. KinkyKeeper with comment #30 says it better than I ever could. And sadly, it seems there was more than one video taken of this horror show.
Blessed Be…
M. Michelle
* The someone else who posted the video after it was taken down by administrators had this to say:
“its just a trip how the girl is actin all that screamin and stuff and throwing stuff cuz she dont want her hair brushed the little girl is actin way over the top and the mother means no harm.”
I’m sure HE posted it thinking it would get him a laugh or two from the Black community. And that is really a damn shame.
naw... it's just me, deciding to update this thing.
how's it going for everyone? for me... it's cool for the most part. can't complain. i'm still here in columbus trying to get established and what not. so far, the process has been a major exercise in "hurry up and wait," but guess that's par for the course given the state of the economy and what not. beyond that i've been largely chilling here in the lion's den, writing and plotting. i have four new blog sites:
scattered word pictures - where i post random thoughts and other trivialities.
journey back to me - my natural hair spot.
triple goddess productions - freelance writing/editing and small press.
life through the lense - my photoblog.
the last two are "in development" at the moment, but the first two are in full swing. sooner or later my webmistress/BFF will throw my personalized themes up and i'll be fully in business, but for right now i'm quite pleased with what's up there.
the e-quad are okay. i spoke with saburo a couple of day ago and he's missing me something terrible. i can't wait until i finally have my own place and can bring him down cause i miss his smiles and hugs just as much. adah is still pregnant and from what i hear she and the idiot friend boy are doing well (he lives with them now... don't ask... i don't know). taro is scheduled to go back to cali this month as soon as his grandmother goes to get him, and jiro is working hard to bring his grades up in school. so all in all they are doing well. i was supposed to go up this coming weekend to spend mother's day with them but belladonna is down and money for bus fare is nonexistant. *sigh* if nothing else i'll be able to talk to them each again on sunday and the opportunity for me to go visit will re-present itself in two weeks.
other than all that... life is pretty dull and tame for me, and i won't complain about that either. after so much drama for such a long time as i was experiencing it, it's kinda nice to have nothing to "write home" about most days.
so what's new with alla you? i'm just dying to hear the latest word.
blessed be...
m. michelle
i haven't been posting much here because job searching, plurking, twittering, working on a book project, and posting to my hair blog and www.mmichelle.net keep me pretty much occupied throughout the day. and on top of that... the vibe that brought me here initially is kinda gone since i haven't been able to be as active with posting an commenting. but my love for vox dies hard so i keep my account for times like now when i feel the need to reach out and touch you guys. *smile*
so what else has happened since my last update? well i got the news that i am going to be a grandmother sometime in september, even after all my efforts to keep that from happening so soon. *sigh* maybe one day soon i'll feel "all right" enough about it to post my thoughts on that, but till then... BAH! in addition to that the mother-to-be just turned nineteen last friday, and saburo turned seven on the 5th. as you may be able to tell from the picture, my hair is still natural and growing like a weed on super k gro. still having a good time with the special guy person i mentioned in my last post, who will be known as the lion from here on out, but its nothing "serious", per se. just really good friends having fun, sharing space and spending time. uh... what else... i'm gaining weight. yeah... growing all out of my size sixes in a record four months, and counting. while it's not much and it's not really apparent unless you're familiar with how small i was before, but i've had more than one person look at me and say "oh my g_d, angela. you've got some meat finally!" *lol*
and beyond all that, my life is pretty much the same. of course it's killing me softly to be away from my babies, but i know the seperation will pay off in the long run. i speak with them as often as possible so they don't miss me. *lol*
and thats pretty much it and all. so what's been going on in the lives of you guys? i'm anxious to hear.
blessed be...
m. michelle
well... it's 2009 and so far for me, a whole lotta nothing has transpired on the surface of things... but churning beneath is a lot of potential energy waiting to burst out into the universe! there's the move that's coming up, the book that's in the works, the two blogs in development, and the closet thing to a "soul mate" i have had the pleasure of experiencing in well over a decade! so much in the ether just waiting to materialize... and i would share the details but... i don't want to jinx anything so i'll keep those under wraps for now. *lol*
what i will share, though, is that i am still very much happy, still very much moving forward, and still very much to return to a state of trusting myself and my decisions. i realize i "lost" a lot of myself during my relationship with penzi when i thought "we" were where my focus was supposed to lie. no regret in that one, of course. had i not experienced that i don't think i'd be as settled and content as i am now. sometimes the best way to find something is to lose it, and find your way back to it, right? so in that, it's all good.
everything else is pretty much everything else. i'm taking things one moment at a time and not forcing my pace above a slight gait at times, a slow crawl at others. back to enjoying the now and letting the then take of itself. *wink*
so that's about it from here. how is everything in your corners of the world?
blessed be.
m. michelle
if you couldn't tell from the picture, year 35 is treating me really well so far. looking back on all the stress and strain from year 34 i can honestly say it was all in preparation for me entering into a new phase of my life with a clean slate, and ready to receive all that the universe has for me in the near and distant future. i've lost alot but... it wasn't really anything i needed to take forward into the rest of my life, so it all balances out.
all in all, the past three, almost four, weeks have been pretty good for me. it's funny how life loops back on itself and repeats steps with a different swing. looking back at this time in my life a year ago, it's eeie how similar yet different things are, and so since i truly believe repeats and deja vu moments (coincidences in lay man's terms) are memos from the universe of where you're supposed to be, i am once again on the threshold of relocating to columbus, ohio. it has been trying to claim me for two years and so i succumb... willingly. tis tempers everything else that will happen in my Life for a quarter century and a decade. and the rest is...
remember last year when i was anxious about getting taro home cause he really wanted to be here? well he was sent "home" and now he is anxious and stressing to return to california. i am doing the good momma thing and letting him go, because i never want to be the cause of any of my children's unhappiness. *sigh* it was a tough decision, of course but life is about rolling with the punches, right>
everything is going well with adah, despite her insistence on keeping friend boy in her life. she re-enrolled in school and should be done mid second semester. she also has her eye on a couple of colleges she can enter in the fall. our relationship has resummed it's closeness, although we have suffered a few bruises in realizing independence from each other is what we both need.
jiro and saburo are both as they ever were... the bicker brothers. not much to report on about them other than they are healthy and happy boys who love their momma and are loved back just as fiercely.
i think once and for all the stbe has realized our separation is a permanent thing, and divorce is very much on the horizion as soon as it can be afforded. i think for a minute he fooled himself into believing once i moved back in and my relationship with penzi ended, i would be rebounding back to him, never realizing that it was not penzi or me moving out that was the crux of our problems. i really feel for him holding on for so long, but this is really no one's fault but his own. it's been a rough time living back at the house but i think now some dust has setteled and we can look forward to the next couple of months being civil ones. at least that's what i'm hoping.
beyond all that, dare i say, i have reached a point where i am truly and thoroughly happy, settled within and looking ahead for greatness in the new year. although most of my circumstances are the same as they were when the upheaval started five months ago, i have all the components in my possession to regroup and recover greatness in the coming year. i have been spending a lot of time in my future place of residence with a big component of my happiness (i'll reveal him at a later date, for those of you who aren't in the know... maybe), and it has afforded me the time and space to clear my slate of a lot of old business in perparation for my new start. it all feels "right" for once for me, and i't learning again to alk by faith, not by sight.
so that is it, and that is all. i have been writing this entry for the past four days because my focus has been all over, but i hope this is a glimmer of hope that it's returning to its former stature soon.
here's wishing a wonderfilled 2009 for each and everyone of you, and that you bring it in in safety, fullness and love.
bliss be yours,
m. michelle
I Stoledid This From Ms. Behavin'
DA ROOLS:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag friends who might enjoy doing the game as well as the person you got the game from.
1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Be - Common
2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Let Me Get This Right - Ne Yo
3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Love Is - Common
4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
30's the New 20 - Jay Z
Got Money - Lil Wayne
6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Real People - Common
7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
I Guess You're Right - The Posies
8.WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Lost Ones - Jay Z
9. WHAT IS 2 + 2?
You & Me - Musiq Soulchild
10 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Allure - Jay Z
11.WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE/LOVE?
Make It Work - Ne Yo
12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Watch You Dance - Ne Yo
13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?)
Shoot Me Down - Lil Wayne
14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE/LOVE?
Rocket Love - Stevie Wonder
15. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
99 Problems - Jay Z
16. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Show Me What You Got - Jay Z
17. What will they play at your funeral?
Trouble - Jay Z
18. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Because of You - Ne Yo
19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
I Was In Love - Ne Yo
20. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Stay With Me - Ne Yo
21. WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
So Sick - Ne Yo
22. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Change Clothes - Jay Z
23. WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET
Chi-City - Common
24. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Put It In a Letter - Mic Little
25. WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Don't Get It - Lil Wayne
26. WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
The Food - Common
27. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
The Corner - Common
28. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Lollipop - Lil Wayne
29. WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Tie My Hands - Lil Wayne
30. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Girlfriend - Ne Yo
** I PERSONALLY TAG ALLA YA'LL!!! ESPECIALLY YOU. YEAH YOU... DON'T TRY TO HIDE IN THE BACK!!!
how goes it... whatever it may be for you at this moment...
as you can see, i have undergone a certain rebirth after an imposed hiatus. a lot has transpired since my last entry... i turned 35, i took on a more active role in disassembling the super woman myth, pushing baby birds out of the nest and into independence, and even disconnected from the once fantabulous penzi. yeah i know. *gasp* to the last bit of info. i didn't see it coming either but... tis life and all one can do is live it, right?
in the midst of all of this change i have been struggling to find my voice again... struggling to be able to do more than open a blog page with the intention to crank out a breathtaking/thought provoking entry, only to have to close it again because the words bounce against one another in a chaotic frenzy and i can't understand what it is they want to convey. struggling even to write a simple poem. as a writer, one can only imagine how akin to cognitive death this has been for me. especially since i have not had "drop of a hat" access to the internet which aids in sating my expressive sweet tooth. i've been excelling a bit in the oration department, though, so the word had not completely left me... but for any of you that really know me, you know putting pen to paper or digits to keys is home to me. so in essence, i have felt a bit lost not being able to for almost a year now.
here lately, however, it seems the writing bug has bitten me yet again -- or at least nibbled a bit at my fingertips -- and i am compelled now more than ever to get my literary pounce on in some form or another. in other words, i feel a resurgence of vitality seeping back into the soul of me... a need to step on stage and speak to an audience again. i feel the ebony keys being tickled, and my over quarter of a century recesses are being called to report. so i guess i'm alive again... here's the tigger pouncing boisterously through the forty acre wood with her point five berol and leather bound journal...
the m. michelle persona has been brought back to life, it seems. very few people were privy to that incarnation of me, but i can assure you, it's a good one. at least for me. it's absosmurfly perfect for my thirty-fifth year of life considering i have started a new cycle and need to cut more than a few ties from thirty-four. it's a returning that i don't mind because it feels natural. i feels as if i'm letting loose a lot that has been weighing me down and now i'm back to my tiggerish, freespirited self...ready to begin again. this has been the year i was looking for...
so what's new with you?
blessed be, always...
mdotmichelle
not having internet at home yet kinda puts a cramp in regular bloggering, and since there hasn't been anything earth shaking that's occurred in my life since my last "real" post (that i am at liberty to share presently), i haven't been compelled to put fingers to keys here or at my wordpress blogs... although journey back to me has been updated more recently than any of the three.
at any rate, i felt the urge to peek in and speak, take a gander at what you guys are up to, and refresh myself for my comeback to vox in the very near future. *smile*
so what's good with all of you?
blessed be...
m. michelle
i guess the biggest bit of news is having taro back home and having the e-quad back together again. honestly, it has done wonders for my outlook and helped to strengthen my determination to get the heck out of this dying city. he's about an inch or two (or maybe three) taller than me and his voice has deepened to for serious "man" level, but he's still momma's baby, even though he tries to act like he too cool for all that. *lol* he's always been a laid back kinda kid but it seems being out in cali and spending time with his father has chilled him out even further. he's not quite comfortable with being back here because he had his heart set on us being in toledo, but he's being a good sport about it. i think most of all he missed being with his siblings, and needed to be here to make sure i'm okay. *smile* he has been a typical fifteen year old boy since being back, which has it's own issues... but even with that, mi would not trade having my baby back for anything in the world. i guess i just don't know how not to be the mother of four. *wink*
things between the stbe and i are moderately "cool". he's no longer flipping out about me staying there yet not wanting to reconcile in any way, shape, or form. we are working on peacefully co-parenting and being "friends", and he has come to understand that while i think he's a good guy and in many ways i owe him a lot... we have too much negative history to ever "go there" again. and besides that... i'm still very much in love with that penzi man guy dude person, even with the increased distance and other "issues". not trying to mess that up for something i know will not work out in the end.
hmmm... let's see... what else... had another incident with adah concerning the boy... and it was quite the knock down, drag out. in the end i felt it necessary to have a sitdown with both her and the boy and get a few things straight before they got absosmurfly out of hand. needless to say, things got worse before they got better, all in the span of a day and a half... but i am blessed to have a child who possesses good sense, and uses it eventually, although i bit later than i'd personally like, and everything got cleared up and squared away. she registered for school and has a list of goals for herself she's going to work to accomplish, with very little help from me in the beginning. right now i want her to get used to doing for herself and making GOOD decisions independent of me, and only coming to me for support when she absolutely needs to. she and the boy are back together after much ado, but i've become content with the fact that their relationship is not my cross to bear. i can't, nor do i want to, control her life like that, and as long as she's keeping her focus on getting herself together (which means more to me than who she dates or anything else trivial like that) then she and i will no longer have any problems. i know what it is she's "fighting" for, and i'm more than willing to allow her that... i just hope this time she sticks to her end of the bargain for her own sake.
ummm... what else... the penzi guy dude person man and i are still togther, but the D in the LDR has been a real hassle here lately. we're both working on getting our respectively foundations back stable/together, which understandably means certain other plans have been put on hold. in the beginning it was a bit difficult to stomach, because it felt like we were taking a ginormous step back from where we were, but once i chilled myself out from the shock of having to come back here and deal with the stbe again, as well as the issue i was having getting taro back home, the pause became a bit easier to take when i looked at it logically. we can't be we until he is comfortable again and so am i. i miss him tremendously, of course but the way i see it a pause now means a more solid later, so i'm good.
other than all that, everything has been everything... slow and steady. hit a bit of an emotional rough patch peppered with a heavy dose of stress induced insomnia, but came out on the other end relatively unscatched. i figure i'll have to tough it out here in det-riot for at least six months before i get my bearings together and the e-quad and i hit the road to either return to toledo or land in one of my other two planned destinations. it's no biggie. as much as i don't want to be here i've made peace with "having" to be for the moment. better to leave when i have a full plan in motion, so i don't have to move back here... again.
okay ya'll... we've been here for a good for about two hours now and i'm freezing, adah and saburo are hungry, we have to hit up gamestop, and i've got to take the boy back to toledo before the end of the night. i'm not planning on getting internet service back until i move into my own place (especially considering the the issue with the utilities has not been resolved yet), so i won't be able to update again until next week sometime (cursed ike increasing the petro prices... BAH!). i hope all is going well for each and every one of you, and in between now and my next update it continues as such. my love and prayers to my texan family who unfortunately were hit by the inclimate weather.
blessed be...
idadi
Recent Comments
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Ms. Behavin said:
[this is good]Hey lady! I'm glad to see that things are going well for you. I'll have to catch up with you... read more
on heeeeeeeeeeeey... -
M. Michelle said:
yeah, it's a lot going on but i'm just happy to finally be active after so much inactivity.the mom-to-be and... read more
on heeeeeeeeeeeey... -
Mahoganie said:
well lady... I didn't know you had all of that going on witht he blog, plurking and such. and the... read more
on heeeeeeeeeeeey... -
Blue-cat said:
:) Good to hear you around here still! I have most of your blogs rss-feeding to my google reader just... read more
on Peeking In Again
on look up in the sky... it's a bird... it's a plane...